Thursday, January 5, 2012

Fear of Getting Old

When I was young I made a lot of mistakes.  I chose the wrong men.  I chose the wrong career and jobs.  I tried my dam-dist to save money but never succeeded.  All my life I felt like something or somebody was holding me back.

Every time I succeeded in anything something would happen and take it all away from me.  Their was a time in my life I was so happy go lucky it would piss people off.

That time was short lived.  Now I find it hard to crack a smile.  I am so consumed with thoughts about the future.  I can't focus on anything else.  I can't sleep many of nights because these thoughts just consume my mind.

I been with the same man for 10 years he won't get married.  I have no security in my life.  I don't even have life insurance anymore.

I been without a car for a year finally got a good used car.  The car I just bought got stolen in the Walmart parking lot.  I had no theft insurance and the cops have not found the car.  So I am back to no car again.

I am in my 40's and I am still having dumb shit like this happening to me.  Why God?  What am I doing wrong?  I fear that I will be an old lady on the street that no one cares about.  How do I get out of this mess?

1 comment:

  1. I love how honest you are in your writing and I'll pray that things start moving forward for you. God Bless.
    P.S. thanks for stopping by my blog recently. I now follow a couple of yours. I am very impressed with how many blogs and other sites you write on.