Wednesday, July 20, 2011

I Turned My Back on God

Since I turned my back on God I have made some bad choices.  These bad choices caused a lot of stress,frustration and anger.  Since I left Caring People Ministries I stopped praying,journaling and I lost my faith along the way.

Since I stopped I have had this tugging in my heart to start this blog.  I would think about making this blog but I kept putting it off.

Since I started the blog 3 days ago things around me seem to be running pretty smoothly.  No fighting with Ronnie no drama in my life at all so I can see God is already working in my life.

Thank God because I really need God!  I am such a reckless person without God.

This is Gods blog so whatever it is that he wants me to write is meant for someone to see and to help me get closer to him so If it seems I keep changing the subject its probably safe to say I am just learning all over again to hear Gods voice.

I will explain the many ways that you can see and hear God throughout this blog.  I will share my past experiences with God and my current experiences with you.

I have had a lot of road blocks since I turned my back on God.  I was miserable but I didn't know why?  I use to put God first in my life so anytime I had to make a decision I would ask God what should I do?  If I didn't hear God or see any signs from God.  I did nothing even if I wanted too make the decision until God told me what to do?

My life was far better with hardly no stress but the minute I tried to take control everything fell apart.

Caring People Ministries leaned me how to journal and hear Gods voice.  At first I thought they were crazy but I went along with it so my first entry was Jesus do you love me?  I was instructed to ask Jesus this question so I wrote the question in my journal and I prayed for an answer.  They said after the question write down anything that come to your mind no matter how crazy it seems, so I did.

I can't remember what my answer was because it was so long ago but I remember it didn't make any since at the time.  When I went to Caring People Ministries I was so drugged up and drunk I didn't even realize it was my birthday.  When I asked Jesus if he loved me in my journal it was on the day of my birthday.  In class we shared our journals when I shared my journal one of the girls came out of the kitchen with the most beautiful birthday cake I ever seen that she made from scratch.  My favorite is chocolate with vanilla frosting.  Who would know thats my favorite but God.  These people didn't know me and how did they know it was my birthday other than my paper work when I decided to stay.

When she came out with the birthday cake all the girls started singing happy birthday.  I started singing happy birthday but I didn't know who's birthday it was.  Then the girl put the cake in front of me and told me to blowout the candles.  Instantly I started crying uncontrollably I couldn't stop crying.  Mrs. Gail told me I might cry for hours or days because God is cleaning my spirit.

I still didn't believe it was an answer from God because they could have easily found out when my birthday was by looking at my paper work.  What I really couldn't explain was the crying on and off for days.  Tears would just keep coming and their was nothing I could do about the tears.

The more I cried the better I felt but I was embarrassed because I couldn't stop crying.

After my birthday I began to hear Gods voice a little bit each day and his answers to my journal became more clearer.

My problem was I kept thinking it was my voice I kept hearing.  I told Mrs. Gail a few weeks later that I didn't think I was hearing from God at all!  She said when your alone tonight pray, go back to the first day you wrote in your journal read your entry and Gods answers.  She said I would see that it was Gods entries.

I did what she said and not only did I hear his voice but things that I wrote was materializing and I kept seeing confirmation to all my answers from God.

Even than I was skeptical!  I just kept on writing in my journal.  It took months for God to show me it was really him not me writing these entries in my journal.